She went from zero to smokin in five shots
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
