just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Randomize
