How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
