I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Randomize
