I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
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