Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
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