So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
Randomize
