tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
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