i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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