Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
