I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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