I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
Randomize
