I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Randomize
