is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Randomize
