My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
