I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
