Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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