I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
Randomize
