Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
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