Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize