After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
Randomize
