did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
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