Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
