So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Randomize
