Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
