i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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