I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
