the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
I accidentally burped into my bong.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
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