I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
