I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
