I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Randomize
