Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Randomize
