So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
