Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Randomize