Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Randomize
