On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
Randomize
