Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
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