Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Randomize
