it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
