i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Randomize
