Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
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