it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Blood and glitter go together right?
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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