Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
