I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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