Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
My liver just broke up with me...
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
Randomize