How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
Randomize
