Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
