It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
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