and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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