6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
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