i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
