I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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