haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
