What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Randomize
