peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Randomize
