I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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