There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Randomize
