Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
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