i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Randomize
