I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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