Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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