I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
