There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
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