Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Randomize
