He is such a slut. More and more my type.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
