I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
kristin has been a bad kristin
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
