I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Randomize
