i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
