We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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