You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Randomize
