Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Randomize
