so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
