WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Randomize
