I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Randomize