i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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