dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize