My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
