In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
