I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
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