Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
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