last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
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