am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
