Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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