Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
Randomize
