a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
