he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
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