saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
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