I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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