I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
