Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
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