We're facebook friends in real life
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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