You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
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