I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
