i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
