I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
